A Lonely Mom Finds Her Sunset….

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Some little girls want to be teachers, some want to be doctors, this little girl wanted to be a wife and mommy-more than anything. She dreamed of having a family. She loved watching family shows from Little House on the Prairie to Seventh Heaven. And then one day it happened. She married, had four beautiful healthy children, she even had twins she hoped she’d have one day.

Life was busy, hectic and exhausting, but this mom could do it all. She had playtime on the floor with them, kitchen and craft time, computer time, flash cards to learn foreign language time, read them book after book, taught them everything she could, was known as the awesome playdate mom……and loved them with everything in her.

There was nothing like those wet kisses when they were babies. You know the ones,  with their mouth open and they suck your chin. There was nothing like them falling asleep when reading a story or playing with this mom’s hair to fall asleep. There was nothing more rewarding than their excitement when this mom slowly opened their bedroom door after their nap. The hugs were tight and clingy, they were priceless moments. These are the moments that everyone liked to brag about on Facebook and Pin adorable photos of them covered in paint from their craft time or frosting covering their faces from a small cupcake. 

Again, this life was busy, hectic and exhausting, but this mom loved it. Her oldest was 2 when she had her twins and when the twins turned 1 she found out she was pregnant with her baby number 4. Their house always had an open door policy and yes, there were many moms and children who would come over to this busy home for fun, laughs and conversation. This mom gave up on keeping up with appearances of her house. They say cleaning a house with kids around is like shoveling when it’s snowing. SO TRUE! Instead, her motto was Enter At Your Own Risk: you’ve heard that phrase you could eat off the kitchen floor, well, this could be taken literal here at times if the German Shepherd didn’t get it first. 

And then………..

Off to school the kids began to go. It was good though, this mom was adapting well to the new chapters in life. She helped in the classroom, she had dinner ready early.  Hey, her house was clean. She met with moms for lunch sometimes, she would bring her kids to their cute little sports practices. On school vacation days the kids always had friends over for a fun day of games and hanging out. Kids now took their own photos and posted them on Facebook of what fun they were having. It was still the fun house and this mom still had it! 

And then…………

They were getting older. Life seemed to be in full speed. Off to school, off to practice, eating dinner on the road or all at different times, handing money out for the school dances instead of having Friday night pizza and game and movie night. Getting report cards with some grades that did not put a smile on this mom’s face, getting phone calls from teachers asking to talk to the child as they were being disruptive during class. These were certainly not bragging moments for Facebook anymore.  Instead of playing a game of cards, the kids wanted to “kick” oh, I’m sorry, it’s kik,  their friends on their iPods (I’ll never get caught up on this tech lingo). Even family vacations were changing as the kids weren’t as excited because they were going to miss games, tournaments, friend’s birthday parties. 

This mom was feeling lonely. This mom was not adapting well to the new chapters that kept turning. 

Again, this life was busy, hectic and exhausting and this mom was feeling she couldn’t hold it together much longer. She was just there. The mom who cleaned, taxied, handed money out, did the shopping, made the meals, kept order in the home. This mom was feeling lonely. 

Oh, she knew her family loved her. They told her often. Her husband said she was the best. Friends and relatives told her her children were wonderful, most polite, happy kids. She heard often that she did a great job with her kids. This mom never did anything for her children to prove anything to anyone. She wasn’t one who listed on her Facebook page: Did 12 loads of laundry, went grocery shopping, made all the meals for the week, walked the dog and it’s only 9am. Really? who cares was what she thought, we all have to do that. Why are you telling your 526 friends, do you really need such stroking? That’s what she thought. She didn’t need to tell her Facebook friends, she did it for her family, this mom was their mom. 

This mom was feeling lonely and feeling like she was the only one going through this. This mom is ME.

It’s quite hard to admit really. In doing so, I’m setting myself up for negative remarks of get it together, stop feeling sorry for yourself or, what Kimberly, do you need stroking. But, the reason why I’m writing this is because I know I’m not alone. There are many women who have walked before me who have felt my loneliness and sadness too. There are many women who feel like I do today.

I spoke with a mom a few weeks ago and we only touched on this subject in a small way. Her three children are all grown, married and have children of their own. This mom was happy and loved the chapter in her life she was in.  This beautiful mom felt my feelings though as she had shared some of her moments in her past chapters. As she wiped tears away from her own eyes, she also gave me words of hope, words of wisdom from her own experience. 

Until this night, I thought I was alone, I thought there must be something wrong with me. Why couldn’t I pull it together, yes, there had to be something wrong with me. 

She gave me words of hope, simple words that we use so often. Yet, I had to hear them from her. “It’s going to be alright!” Those are so simple, yet such reassuring words to me. “It’s going to be alright!” 

Moms can give the best advice to their kids, but now we have to give the best advise to each other.

I was the mom who gave my babes advise, who felt heartbroken when they didn’t make a team they wanted to be on. I was the mom who came to the rescue when someone was bullying them. I was the mom who jumped off her seat when they got shot a 3 pointer. I was the mom who ran on the field when her child got a ball to the nose and drove him to the the ER.  Slowly I’m seeing that they don’t need mom as much for these things……

BECAUSE THEY’RE GROWING THEIR OWN WINGS…..they’ve grown that independence and confidence that I’ve been telling them one day they’d find. They can stand up not only for themselves but they can stand up for the underdog in their school. Maybe they didn’t get the grade that I was hoping for but they knew enough to say it was their fault for not following through on responsibilities and got a better grade the next time around. They are venturing out in the big world that we live in, not having to hold onto mom so tightly. But now,  I’m feeling I want to hold on to them tightly. 

On the days we can’t bare the attitudes or their obsessions, remember how short the other past chapters were in our lives.  Don’t wish to fast forward too quickly, before we know it, it will be graduation. That’s when they’ll be having to worry about us…..embarrassing them, that is, from all our crying. 

Those calls from the school or the grades on their report cards, they aren’t the tell tale of your child’s success. 

Remember who raised them, who loved them, who instilled all the good in them. They’ll get it. It’s going to be alright! 

Don’t forget all the prayers you prayed for your little loves. God hears our prayers. 

Don’t dwell on the times you lost it, be happy you got it together. 

Be proud of those loves of yours.

Tell them their God’s gift to you.

Don’t be afraid to tell them you need an all about Mommy night. Maybe it’s just an hour of sitting around the table and telling stories or getting a good old competitive game out once a week. Moms need to connect too and moms can share their feelings and needs. Don’t be afraid to do that  if needed. 

Moms watch your wings grow too. Fly into those sunsets and enjoy every color it changes into. Don’t try to stop the change or you’ll miss the grand finale of the joy of life to its fullest. It’s happening. We’re transforming into the next chapter and we don’t know exactly how our character is going to play out, but look at who you are. Look at all you’ve accomplished, all you’ve created and guided. It’s inevitable you’re going to be a strong, beautiful, humble character. Maybe one day you’ll be the mom who sweetly shares your story as you shed a tear or two to a younger mom and tell her “it’s going to be alright.” 

Moms, you are valued more to God than you’ll ever grasp. In that and the trust I have in Him, I know that I don’t have to feel lonely, I know “it’s going to be alright!” When you see that sunrise and sunset, remember change is beautiful. 

Tonight I”ll pray for you. I pray  you’ll find the beauty in change and beauty in you.
Love from,
Kimberly

~Kimberly~

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